Episodes
Thursday Jul 13, 2023
”Griftin’” (parody based off the Clarence Carter song, ”Strokin’”)
Thursday Jul 13, 2023
Thursday Jul 13, 2023
"Griftin'" (to the tune of Clarence Carter's "Strokin'")
When he’s not grabbing butts
And mute, judging stuff
He be griftin’
Morning, noon, insurrection
He be griftin’
He grifts from the living
And then he grifts from the dead
He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next
He be griftin’
He’s ‘bout to sell somethin’
How much money are you willing to give him?
Would you buy a quarter for a quarter-mill?
Would you give up your farm for a lifetime of Swiss cheese?
He’s ‘bout to sell you this
“Trade your cows for a gallon of milk”
He’s ‘bout to sell you this
“Give me 15 million and I’ll stop windmill cancer”
He ‘members when his mistress was diagnosed with windmill cancer
He started a GoFundMe; laughed; and said, “April Fool’s, y’all”
He’s griftin’, yeah, he always does, he be griftin’
He grifts from the living
And then he grifts from the dead
He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next
He be griftin’
He’s ‘bout to sell somethin’
Would you believe anything he tells ya?
That a knife was a sandwich?
Jesus was a white man?
A robe was a puppy?
Or how about that he and his wife are all cute and innocent?
‘Member, no puppy is full of that much sh*t
He spews it every which way
Yeah, he’s griftin’
He be griftin’
He grifts from the living
And then he grifts from the dead
He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next, sh*t
He be griftin’
Now, when this guy starts dealin’, I mean stealin’
He doesn’t care who in the hell he’s hurtin’
Because a creepy smile appears when this happens
Whenever that creepy smile appears, we do start dealin’
We say, “Clarence Thomas, Clarence Thomas, Clarence Thomas
Clarence Thomas, f*ck you, Clarence Thomas”
Other day: “Celebratin’ Christmas early!”
“Gonna get me a grift box and grift certificate”
Went to the store to screw people over
He held a box with a blank certificate
Said, “Hundredth donor gets the prize; you’ll be surprised as…” Woo!
He be griftin’… Cloak and dagger
He be griftin’
He grifts from the living
And then he grifts from the dead
He’ll grift from anyone on this planet or the next, sh*t
He be griftin’
He be griftin’… Cloak and dagger
He be griftin’, oath
He be griftin’
And he grifts from the rich
And he grifts from the poor
He grifts from everyone
He even grifts from his whores, ooh
He be griftin’
He be griftin’
He be griftin’
Books
https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO
https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/
Blog
https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/
YouTube
Thursday Jun 22, 2023
MAGAts Here, MAGAts There, MAGAts Every-Flipping-Where
Thursday Jun 22, 2023
Thursday Jun 22, 2023
In this episode I snarkily dissect my joyous experience interacting with Trumpers since joining Twitter Blue in recent weeks.
Books
https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO
https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/
Blog
https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/
YouTube
Wednesday Jun 14, 2023
Jack Smith vs. Jacka$$
Wednesday Jun 14, 2023
Wednesday Jun 14, 2023
So you didn't have to, I read the 44-page Trump indictment. Here is my modest, hilarious, brilliant take on it all. Hey, as I've always said, "You can't spell 'awesome' nor 'modest' without 'ME.'"
Books
https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO
https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/
Blog
https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/
YouTube
Friday May 05, 2023
”Right the Right” (parody based off Green Day’s song ”See the Light”)
Friday May 05, 2023
Friday May 05, 2023
“Right the Right”
Been off course for a while
Siri’s a woman
So, they go in the opposite direction
They don’t know where they are
Or where they’re heading
But would rather wreck than admit they were wrong
Let’s control the wheel and right the right
They need our help; they’re too drunk to drive
Let’s control the wheel and right the right
They should prob’ly sleep it off tonight
Approaching a red sign
Instead of stopping
They shout “OCTAGON!”
Sirens flashing
Figure they’re for someone else, so they speed up
Start firing guns, yelling “BLUE LIVES MATTER!”
Let’s control the wheel and right the right
They need our help; they’re too drunk to drive
Let’s control the wheel and right the right
They should prob’ly sleep it off tonight
They’ve been off course too long
Tank’s about empty
Yet still believing thoughts and prayers will refill it
So, they then close their eyes while behind the wheel
‘Cause apparently cars don’t drive cars; Jesus does
Let’s control the wheel and right the right
They need our help; they’re too drunk to drive
Let’s control the wheel and right the right
They should prob’ly sleep it off tonight
Books
https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO
https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/
Blog
https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/
YouTube
Friday May 05, 2023
Friday May 05, 2023
“Orwellian Poetry” (A. “Woke Insomnia” / B. “Project Real”)
[Part 1: Orwellian Poetry]
It was the con of the century
It read like Orwellian poetry
Too blinded by their own hypocrisy
To see the dystopian irony
Their delusions quickly became quite clear
The con “will set us free”
[Part 2: Woke Insomnia]
Insomnia
Woke insomnia
Woke insomnia
Woke insomnia
They’re wide awake and unable to sleep
For days on end, they can no longer think
Dwindled is perception of reality
Woke, but not alert to their surroundings
“Truth isn’t truth,” “Don’t believe what you see”
“You’ll grow a third arm with the vaccines”
“The lone cure for COVID is Febreze”
This is what happens when Trump leads the GOP; they come down with
Insomnia
Woke insomnia
Woke insomnia
Woke insomnia
‘Nother day, ‘nother denial of truth
Masked with the flag and other comfort food
Empty-rhetoric symbols, no follow-through
A lack of sleep, mentally weak
“Doctors don’t know science”
“It’s not guns; drag-shows cause gun violence”
“Democracy will be saved if we destroy it”
MGT, Cruz, Graham, Gaetz, Bobo, and Jordan have all contracted
Insomnia
Woke insomnia
Woke insomnia
Woke insomnia
Completely sober, yet their speech is slurred
Can’t see straight; their vision’s blurred
Trouble moving, they try to call Uber
Awareness – an all-time low
“The bottom is the top”
“Fauci’s leader of the mob”
“With the most votes, Biden lost”
Will they ever sleep to wake up?
[Part 3: Project Real]
Accusations are confessions – project real
Accusations are confessions – project real
Accusations are confessions – project real
Accusations are confessions – project real
When they said to lock “her” up, they actually meant “Trump”
When Trump claimed that Biden interfered, he meant himself
“You stole candy!,” as they munch on “free” M&Ms
“O.J. killed his wife!” is just them saying “We did it!”
Accusations are confessions – project real
Accusations are confessions – project real
Accusations are confessions – project real
Accusations are confessions – project real
Get ahead of the story and blame someone else
But like a gymnast named Kama Sutra – you f*cked yourself
They point their fingers with a mirror staring back
A giant reflection of their guilt, about to crack
Their string of good luck is getting ready to end
As all of their allegations come right back to them
You hate Kaepernick, yet you took a knee
Gay men don’t hump sheep, but you f*cked one just last week
You call blacks lazy when you don’t work at all
The GOP tries to lie, yet projects the real
Accusations are confessions – project real
Accusations are confessions – project real
Accusations are confessions – project real
Accusations are confessions – project real
(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real
(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real
(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real
(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real
(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real
(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real
(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real
(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real
(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real
(Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real
Books
https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO
https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/
Blog
https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/
YouTube
Friday May 05, 2023
”Slim-to-None Funds” (parody based off Green Day’s song ”21 Guns”)
Friday May 05, 2023
Friday May 05, 2023
“Slim-to-None Funds”
Do you know who they’re stealing from?
Charities named after them
The dollars keep rolling in
Diverted to greens and bogey-men
Claiming donations as grifts
They’ve sunk lower than piles of sh*t
The depths of Satan’s fiery pit?
Lower than it
None, slim-to-none funds
Take from children
Give to themselves
None, slim-to-none funds
They are the world’s biggest grassholes
Pulling for hell
Driving around in their gold carts
Crashing before they even start
As they blame Soros and RuPaul
News breaks of their organization’s scam
They don’t know irons from woods
Yet stole from the kids for these goods
Than the South Pole is cold, they’re
Lower than it
None, slim-to-none funds
Take from children
Give to themselves
None, slim-to-none funds
They are the world’s biggest grassholes
Pulling for hell
They’re always slicing to the right
Their white balls they can never find
“Mark us down for two,” they will say
Flipping birdies to youngsters on the front and back nine
Further than you could ever attempt
Even the devil is impressed
At a point where nothing can drop
Lower than it
None, slim-to-none funds
Take from children
Give to themselves
None, slim-to-none funds
They are the world’s biggest grassholes
None, slim-to-none funds
Take from children
Give to themselves
None, slim-to-none funds
They are the world’s biggest grassholes
Pulling for hell
Books
https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO
https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/
Blog
https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/
YouTube
Friday May 05, 2023
”Erratic Days” (parody based off Green Day’s song ”The Static Age”)
Friday May 05, 2023
Friday May 05, 2023
“Erratic Days”
Playing Candy Crush at a quarter to two on Monday afternoon
Before throwing Skittles about the room, shouting, “Where in the f*ck’s the blue?”
Next saying, “I guess orange will do, and this purple sh*t too”
All while watching cartoons he calls “news”
Unpredictability on speed
Yes, no, yes, maybe
He’s up one minute, the next minute down
He goes sideways and then diagonal
The guy has had some erratic days
He’ll sniff uncontrollably at a nationally-televised speech
And then be unable to blow his nose for a couple to three weeks
He’ll run a MAGAt marathon in his sleep
And strain muscles when he breathes
He only ever works in his dreams
He’s a loose cannon awake or asleep
Yes, no, yes, maybe
He’s up one minute, the next minute down
He goes sideways and then diagonal
The guy has had some erratic days
He’s up one minute, the next minute down
He goes sideways and then diagonal
The guy has had some erratic days
He’s had some erratic days
January through December
For as long as The Jesus can remember
Anger builds inside as he boasts loudly
Hunger grows while he’s eating
His mouth dirtier every time it’s cleaned
Brain shrinks if he’s ever thinking
Adderall seems to be working today
Flying high as a kite (So f*cking high)
Squinting like a drunk reading braille
The teleprompter moving in his mind
Yes, no, yes, maybe
He’s up one minute, the next minute down
He goes sideways and then diagonal
The guy has had some erratic days
He’s up one minute, the next minute down
He goes sideways and then diagonal
The guy has had some erratic days
He’s up one minute, the next minute down
He goes sideways and then diagonal
The guy has had some erratic days
He’s up one minute, the next minute down
He goes sideways and then diagonal
The guy has had some erratic days
Erratic days
Books
https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO
https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/
Blog
https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/
YouTube
Friday May 05, 2023
Friday May 05, 2023
“You’re Accused and Betrayed”
Insurrection!
He will bail you all out
At least that’s what he says
He has told thirty-thousand lies
So, his promises aren’t worth a sh*t
Y’all get flocked up; baa; and spout
QAnon gibberish
Attack police, what’s free
Because you’re patriotic
So, Donnie eats his Whoppers
As you’re handcuffed and put away
Guess it really sucks to be you
You’re accused and betrayed
He will watch as you go down
Viking helmets and all
His show isn’t going well
Prepped for you to take the fall
You are the clowns
Go ahead, grab the flagpoles
Hit democracy’s mouth
In their graves, our Founders turn
Witnessing nooses form
Pence hangs around
So, Donnie eats his Whoppers
As you’re handcuffed and put away
Guess it really sucks to be you
You’re accused and betrayed
Mass-deception, repetition
Until your small brain faces yuge evaporation
Mass-deception, repetition
Until your small brain faces yuge evaporation
Mass-deception, repetition
Until your small brain faces bigly…
He will bail you all out
At least that’s what he says
He’s a liar, dic[tator] complier
Seemingly unable to pull out
He will bail you all out
L-O-C-K-E-M!
L-O-C-K-E-M!
L-O-C-K-E-M!
L-O-C-K-E-M!
Books
https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO
https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/
Blog
https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/
YouTube
Friday May 05, 2023
Friday May 05, 2023
“Senseless Mind Syndrome”
His IQ is in the high teens
What’s left in his head constantly shrinking
A confined vocabulary
Just two-letter words, maybe three
He’s ignorant of everything
From physics to human anatomy
Thinks Einstein was just bread with cheese
That femurs were types of monkeys
It’s outdated, dissipated
His brain had its day, so he says again, again
He’s concocted another word
He may not drink, but it sounds like a slur
It’s not a noun and not a verb
What it is no one can be sure
He acts like an illiterate
If one gets poetic, “He can’t read for sh*t”
“Bigly” words are his nemesis
Like “ambiguity” or “twit”
When thoughts escape him, they avail him
More room between the ears for hot-air to travel through
Thoughts are vacant, he is ancient
He is his own worst enemy
Not a victim, but a villain
An enemy to you and me
To everybody
It’s outdated, dissipated
He is his own worst enemy
When thoughts escape him, they avail him
An enemy to you and me
He’s a villain of cognition
An enemy to you and me
He’s a villain of cognition
An enemy to you and me
Books
https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO
https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/
Blog
https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/
YouTube
Friday May 05, 2023
Friday May 05, 2023
“¿Amar Old Glory Hole? (Brittle Don)”
Brittle Don, brittle Don, you’re always cryin’
You lost another suit – this one for lyin’
Brittle con, brittle con, the truth is hurtin’
The odds of you outside a cell and workin’
Far away is where we think you should go
Somewhere between Saturn and Uranus
Stay in space until you float to Pluto
We’ll salute with middle fingers, standing tall and proud
Brittle Don, brittle Don, your bones are crackin’
And, as always, your muscles are a-lackin’
Brittle con, brittle con, your schemes are slackin’
You just don’t seem to have any laws’ backin’
Can’t skirt them (Anymore!) Anymore, you lame layperson
Think this is bad? Just wait till you’re in prison
Brittle Don, brittle Don, you’re weak as plastic
In Webster’s your picture is next to “flaccid”
Far away is where we think you should go
Somewhere between Saturn and Uranus
Stay in space until you float to Pluto
We’ll salute with middle fingers, standing tall and proud
Tears of your hammies when you walk to the fridge
With it being just three feet from your rocker (Rock away!)
Your phony doctor saying you’re in peak shape
As you break ribs eating crackers
Far away is where we think you should go
Somewhere between Saturn and Uranus
Stay in space until you float to Pluto
Salute middle fingers
Books
https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO
https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/
Blog
https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/
YouTube